Hannah's Story

Hannah Tuckett, 31, from Euroa, Victoria, lost her younger brother, Sam, to suicide in 2021. She participated in The Push-Up Challenge in 2021 and 2022 and raised funds and awareness to help #pushforbetter mental health in Australia. 

Was losing your brother, Sam, your motivation for signing up to The Push-Up Challenge?  

It was. A couple of months afterwards, I was just scrolling through Facebook, and I saw an ad for The Push-Up Challenge. I liked that it was a challenge and every number [of push-ups achieved] meant something – it meant someone’s life. Unfortunately, it’s not my only experience with suicide. My partner Travis, he lost his sister in October of 2014, so we’ve been through it twice.     

How did losing Sam affect your own mental health?  

It was definitely very hard. I have been going to therapy since February 2022 just to help deal with everything, the feelings, and the blame, because you know, you blame yourself even though part of you knows it was their decision. You can't help but think, ‘Was it something I did?’

He lived with my parents, and that night [before he died] we were all over there for dinner and he picked a fight with everyone, so we all ended up having an argument. So that’s been very hard to live with. It was very hard and the grief was very overwhelming, but when I did The Push-Up Challenge in June, it gave me somewhere positive to put that.   

Did you find that talking about it helps?  

Now I'm starting to feel like it’s more difficult. I don’t know why. It's just hard. Probably just facing it, I guess, that he’s never coming back. Therapy just helps challenge why you’re feeling the way you are and stuff like that. Those conversations aren’t easy, but in the long run it’s definitely healthy.    

What did you find helpful for your own mental health in the aftermath of losing your brother?  

Definitely exercise. The amount of messages I received from doing The Push-Up Challenge, and the support, and the donations. I had people stopping me in the supermarket saying how great it was. And then one of my best friends, he’s a personal trainer, he backed me right from the get-go. He went around to a few of the local businesses, and they donated a dollar per sale to go towards the challenge, and that was unreal. Last year, I had 10 push-ups to go, so I went down the street to the local café, and finished them there. It was beautiful that so many people care, and I think it really helped my parents as well, to show them that something so positive can come out of something so negative.    

Do you appreciate it now when people bring up Sam in conversation?   

I still think it’s quite sensitive, but I do appreciate it, because you know, to me, he’s still around. His memory will always live on. It’s just nice to be able to have a conversation about something stupid he’d done, or if we go somewhere and do something that he would have really loved, it’s nice to be able to have a conversation about, you know, like, ‘Sam would have really liked that’.   

What would you say to people going through similar challenges to what Sam experienced?  

I would just say, please, reach out to someone. The pain of losing you is unfathomable. You matter. You might think what you’re going through is small or no one cares, but they do. If you need help, just reach out, please. You know, what you’re going through will one day be a thing of the past and you’ll be filled with love and light and happiness. It’s not permanent, but the scars you leave behind will be.   

How do you think mental health in Australia needs to change, to help people who are in similar situations as Sam was?  

I still think it’s very much stigmatised. Although you see more, especially sporting people, coming out and saying more about it now... [that] they’re having time off for mental health. I think that’s very helpful, especially for younger generations who look up to them. But I still think we have a long way to go. I live in the country, so it’s harder to find services than it would be in the city. I had to wait probably three weeks before I could get an appointment [with a psychologist].   

What would you say to someone who’s considering doing the Push-Up Challenge?  

Do it, 100 per cent. There’s no other way to say it, really – just do it. The first year I signed up, and [thought], I’ll do it and see what happens, and mum might donate 50 bucks, but it was unreal. I got interviewed by the local paper, and the local radio station, and then I ended up getting nominated for the Community Hero award, so it’s been just awesome. And then in 2022 I had 10 other people on my team doing it with me, and I was extremely grateful to every one of them for giving it a go.   

The Push-up Challenge has given me such a positive way to focus my grief and is now something I look forward to doing every year. I am extremely grateful for what the challenge has done for me and my family, and I can't wait to smash it out of the park in 2023. I plan to do this challenge every year until I can’t physically do it anymore. And even if it just saves one person, then it will be worth it.   

Photo credit: The McPherson Media Group